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Anger Management Graduation Paper

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What’s up all? Hard to believe this happened to me.. but it did. anyways, here’s the graduation paper from my Anger Management class.

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Ian icizzle

Stop Graduation paper

Anger Management

1. Detail controlling and/or violent behaviors

Why I’m here in this class

“Don’t touch me you racist pig!” I yelled out at the top of my lungs to a police officer at 3am on a Wednesday in February of 2014 in a 7-eleven parking in Bothell Washington. Let me go back to how I got here and why i was yelling at the top of my lungs.

It was 8pm earlier that night and I was on my 3rd – 5th glass of Johnnie Walker Red Label Whiskey. “Serve me one more!” I demanded to the bar tender. “sorry sir I have to cut you off because you’ve had to much too drink tonight” replied the bartender. I snapped “FINE THEN DON’T SERVE ME ANOTHER!” and stormed out of the bar. I walked up the street to an Applebee’s and sat at the bar. Before I ordered I nodded to some guys across the bar and struck up some conversation. “yeah we’re about to order some shots of fireball.. you want one? it’s on us” one of them offered. “Of course and thank you!” I replied. “Yeah I have to catch a flight at 7am for work” one of the guys told me. I thought the lady bartender was cute so I began flirting with her and then we all decided when she got off work in 15 minutes we’d go down the street to get another drink. I rode with the guys who bought me a drink and we arrived at the next bar. the lady bartender showed up and we had a drink or two. Then I began to blank out. when I came back I was talking to her and snapped. I started to be really rude and saying things that were hurtful and disrespectful. She got up and left the bar in a hurry. it was 1am or so from what I remember looking through my blurred vision. I sat there and looked at the guys I met at Applebee’s earlier and said “let’s get out of here.” I got into the passenger side and blacked out.

when I woke up we were in a 7-eleven parking lot with police lights flashing. As I sat in the passenger seat I told guy driving I would handle this (now keep in mind one of the guys had a 7am flight to catch for work). the police officer came up to the drivers window and began asking questions to the driver. that’s when I said something and the officer came over to the passenger side and asked me for my I.D. “Sir I need your I.D.” I snapped and got angry “why do you my I.D. I’m not driving!” In a cool and calm tone the police officer asked again “I’m just doing my job sir. your I.D. please.” then I blacked out and the next thing I remember was being pulled out of the car. I began yelling at the top of my lungs “Don’t touch me you racist pig!” then I blacked out again. “do you want to go to jail?” the officer asked me. “You racist pig!” I yelled and screamed out yet again in the 7-eleven parking lot. he asked me again if I wanted to go to jail. the guys that were with me tried to help me but it was too late at that point. “TAKE ME TO JAIL!” I yelled out. “are you sure?” the police officer asked. “YES” I scream. and yes once again i blacked out and woke up to the officer kicking my legs apart and asking me to put my hands behind my back. I began going in and out of black outs at this point. “have you been or are you suicidal?” asked the officer. “YEAH I WANT TO KILL MYSELF” I replied in a condescending way. Yep I blacked out and woke up in the back of a police car handcuffed. then I blacked out again and opened my eyes in the county jail booking area. as my eyes opened one of the guy who was supposed to get on a 7am flight for work was in cuffs as well. my head fell forward and I blacked out. “Strip down!” commanded the police officer who arrested me as he was holding me up. “Why?” I asked. “you’re suicidal remember?” he answered. “wait why am I here?” I replied clueless “because I can’t remember.” he said “you asked for it, you don’t remember.. now strip” I stripped down naked in shame. he handed me a jail coat and told me to put it on. he pushed me into the cell and locked the door. I laid down in the cell on a small pad they provided and passed out.

2. describe the patterns and or beliefs

Beliefs

I guess you could say I believed that the world owed me everything in this life. and I will let the world know that it owes me. No one cares what I have to say unless I yell. It’s ok to let others control my feelings, thoughts, actions and beliefs. it’s ok to yell to get your point across. the only way to have people do things for you is to yell and scream until they do what I want. hanging out with family and friends who are angry or violent is ok. it’s not my problem people are upset with me.

Patterns

I was hanging out with negative influences that feed my need to be angry at the smallest stuff. I was complaining that everyone had more than I did because how I was raised by my parents. I was an angry person and enjoyed it. I thrived off of yelling at people. it was my high in life. it became the way I knew how to deal with my feelings towards other. if they didn’t like it it’s not my problem. I would use it as a way to get attention and sympathy. it was the only way I knew how to get people to pay attention to me. no matter what I was right and they were wrong ALWAYS! I accepted who I was and was proud of it. I would cry and throw fits around friends in order for them to pay attention to me. I would always ask why don’t people get it? why don’t they understand me? why is it I always have to yell to get my point across? if you ever cross me i’ll come back and retaliate with a vengeance. I would slam house doors, slam car doors, slam phones down just to get my point across. I wanted to be physically larger and control others with my anger. I was right and you are wrong was my only belief. I would manipulate others into doing things for me for my own person gain.

3. Step by Step effects of my patterns from their POV

I was doing my rounds on a Wednesday night around 3am in Bothell, Washington. I pulled up to the 7-eleven parking lot and noticed a car parked with a few guys in it. they got out and were making noise and talking to customers. It looked like they were asking customers if they wanted drugs. they got back in their car and sat there for a few minutes. I approached the vehicle and knocked on the drivers side window. the passenger started talking right away, so I went over to the passenger side and asked for his I.D. The passenger asked “why do you need my I.D. I’m not driving.” Then he looked like he was unconscious. I asked again for his I.D. and he yelled at me. I asked calmly again “sir, I need to see your I.D.” The passenger said in a slurred and alcohol heavy voice “It’s in my left pocket and I need to get out of the car in order to find my I.D.” I told him just get it from inside the car. He snapped at me and told me “get a fucking life” I then pulled him out of the car. he fell to the ground and started screaming at me “you racist pig! why do you need to see my I.D. I’m not driving?”

I called for backup at this point and tried to help the passenger I was asking for the I.D. from. the man got up and off the ground so I began asking questions again like what’s your name? he yelled out “I’m White Sizzle!” after a few more minutes of trying to ask questions my backup finally showed up with a few more officers. The officers looked at the man and came to the conclusion that he was extremely drunk. The man was barely standing and every time I tried asking a question he would start yelling at me. I asked him if he was feeling suicidal. he yelled back at me in a disrespectful drunk slurred voice “Yeah I’ve been feeling real suicidal today!” I asked him if he’d like to go to jail for obstruction of a police officer. he yelled at me “Fine! take me to jail you pig!” I asked him again “are you sure you want to go to jail?” he replied yelling at me “hand cuff already!” I did what he told me to do. I kicked his legs apart and read him his rights. I even put the hand cuffs on him extra tight. I put him in the back of the cop car. we were on our way to jail when he asked “why am I going to jail?” I replied with “you asked for it”

we get to the jail about 30 minutes later. I have to have help to get my passenger out of the back seat. he smells intoxicated with alcohol and doesn’t seem to be moving. one of the officers helps get him out of the car and into booking. we pick him up and take him over to the holding cell. I ask him to take all his clothes off and put on the jail suit. he snaps and asked “Wait why am I here?” I replied because you asked for it.

4. how I control my anger patterns now

I plan out my days now to avoid falling back into the old pattern of no focus. when I plan I don’t have the time to do anything else but focus on my goals for life and what I want out of life.

I now choose to eliminate / reduce negative influences that encourage or reward such behaviors as anger or yelling.

If I do drink, I will set a 2 drink limit

I continually practice methods of self-control and now take time to think before I speak

I research and study calm people and how they respond to people yelling at them.

I’ve changed my beliefs toward people and how I talk to them when I’m upset.

It’s not always about me and what I have to say but what the other person has to say. I now take time to research and learn better listening techniques and skills.

5. Anger control techniques

Stress reduction techniques – I workout at a gym and at home to make my body feel good because when I feel good I’m never angry or upset. plus I have more energy and mental focus after I workout. I’ve been researching breathing techniques and what happens before you get angry. I choose to learn rather than make excuses for my anger. one technique that has worked wonders is to breathe in through your nose and focus on the brain. hold your breath in while focusing on your brain and count to 10 seconds. release through the mouth and breathe. this technique not only helps get oxygen to your brain to help you think better but it also makes you feel better.

How I communicate my feelings now – I take time to evaluate why I feel the way I do and think about how I would want someone to communicate with me. I now understand other peoples feelings and treat them with respect. In the past I would yell to communicate my feelings to others. Now it’s not worth loosing friends, family and anybody that knows me due to not knowing how to handle my anger

conflict resolution techniques – I look at the other persons POV first now. as before I would say “I’m not the problem here, you are!” I now try to understand why we’re having a conflict and talk about why we are upset with each other. plus, understanding that the need to be right about everything gets you nowhere fast. also, having the foresight and wisdom to know most conflicts won’t matter 48 hours from now is a huge plus. To put it in perspective I have to understand that problems will always exist as long as we are alive. one of the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that no problem or conflict is worth loosing your cool over.

when you close your eyes before you go to sleep at night always say a little prayer thanking the universe around us. Wake up every morning with a smile on your face and a thankful heart. be grateful and thank god every morning for providing you with shelter and food.

it’s about mastering your triggers of anger like your favorite video game or the super mario brothers. your anger is the bowser and you are mario trying to save the princess in the castle. but each time you fail to save the princess because she is in another castle you can choose to give into your anger or learn how to groom yourself for success on the next level. we must learn to never give up learning new techniques of anger management.

there’s always a solution to every problem if we choose to believe it’s possible. we have to trust ourselves enough to say getting angry over anything is what dumb people do and if I want to be associated with dumb people than I’ll get angry over nothing. we must choose what we place value on. do we value anger? or is anger worth throwing in the garbage or better yet recycle or maybe we put it in the photo copier and copy it until it’s faded into oblivion.

it helps to get up and move your body. try something like dancing to your favorite song as a child. close the door, turn up the music and free yourself from thoughts of people watching you. free yourself from the chains that bind you from feeling free. Move your body like no one is watching. besides people’s thoughts of you are none of your business anyway.

6. treatment and changes in my behavior

When I entered this class I thought I don’t need a anger management classes. It’s not that bad. oh well i’ll just do it because it’s court ordered and I have to. but as I started attending and doing the homework assigned it became clear I did have an anger problem. looking back over the years and what could of been. reflecting on my choices and what it did to others was disturbing to me. in some ways, it made me cry to think of the way I was treating others and with the lack of knowledge of what I was I really doing to myself and others. Not resecting myself enough always translated into anger and taking it out on others. by not taking full responsibility for my actions I would play the victim and blame, blame, blame, blame, blame, blame anything and everything for my unhappiness. always talking negative about others and how they are the problem and reason I’m not following my dreams. I’d make excuses about how if only I had better parents, if only I had a better family, if only I was raised in a different place, if only.. if only.

After finishing the book assigned to the class I now have more of a sense of understanding myself from when I was born up to now. before the class I really didn’t understand my self worth. by loosing my tempter people would loose respect for me and my self worth.

Learning about defense mechanisms and what has triggered me in the past has been a huge help in overcoming anger. also, being in this class has helped me overcome my anxiety when I see a police officer or police officers now. I now understand that they are just doing their job. to understand we all have to work, we all have to pay bills, taxes, buy food, clothes, shelter just to survive on earth. I’ve talked to a few police officers in the past few months and realized it was a mistake to blow up and call them names. I was talking with one officer and he was really the nicest person. his only objective to serve and project and to help others, nothing more nothing less.

how i tolerate strong thoughts from myself and others

I pre-think my days and only think of great outcomes to what the day will bring me. I pre-think what if I treat others with respect that they will treat me with respect in return. I thank the universe, God, ala, muhammad, buddah and Jesus and any other God I left out for the world around me and all the opportunities that surround me. I pre-think my days because what you think is what you become.

we must have patience to see deep and far into the future. we never know what tomorrow might bring us. it could be a rainy day, a cloudy day, a sunny day, or a snowy day. what memory do we want to create from that day? do we want memories of anger, yelling, rage, tears, fears, slamming doors, screams? or do we want memories of peace, calm, Tranquility, laughter, joy, gentle closing doors, screams of happiness?

story example 1: “it’s a choice I make everyday to be calm rather than angry”

I was at work and my boss came in and demanded I take care of a project right away. it felt like he was mad or upset with me and was acting passive aggressive towards me. I felt for a moment like yelling at him and telling to back off. but because of the anger management class I’d been taking I chose to take a few deep breaths and counted to 10 inside my head. Then I politely told him I needed to use the bathroom and would be right back to finish our conversation. I went to the bathroom and thought to myself if I blow up and get mad at him for the way he was talking to me, it would cause more problems than just asking him if everything was alright. I returned a few minutes later and asked if everything was ok. “yeah” he said. “Is there anything I’m doing that’s making you upset?” I asked in a calm manner. he revealed that he’d been having a rough day and needed to get some stuff done to avoid more conflict from the higher ups. I nodded my head in agreement and we figured out a way to handle the work in a timely manner. after we finished the work, we started talking and found out that we both had some stress to deal with that day. we even talked about ways to handle situations in a better way.

story example 2: “Taking full responsibility for my past actions”

I was talking with my mom on the phone a few weeks ago and she opened some of my mail without asking first. I really don’t like anyone opening my mail even my mom for any reason unless I ask. My first thought was to yell at her and tell to stop opening my damn mail. but then I realized I wasn’t looking at it from her POV. Her son’s mail was coming to her house and not mine place. She was simply just making sure it wasn’t anything important or urgent. I calmly took a few breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. I changed my thoughts from what gives you the right to open my mail to it’s not worth getting upset over. Plus all of the family would find out I yelled at my mom and how much of a jerk would I look like? How would that help my reputation? No! I would not allow that to happen. and besides the reason the mail is going to her place is because i didn’t have my own address for a few years to send mail to. so instead of getting upset over something so small I decided to fill out a change of address form so the mail would only go to my place now. preventing anyone from opening my mail other than myself. So yes I took full responsibility for my actions rather than blaming and playing the victim.

Lastly, Setting 1, 5, and 10 year goals has kept me focused on my vision of what I want out of life. it keeps me on track and out of trouble. before class I was all over the place, wasting my precious time on things that didn’t matter. now i’m focused on the prize. in just a month’s time I’ve already accomplished some of the goals I’ve written down. Now that i accomplished some of the goals it reconfirms my new beliefs “if you ask always except to receive.”

plus, it helps me think if i’m ever in a situation where someone tries to anger me i know what it will cost me to loose self-control. I know to ask the questions.. is loosing my self-control and blowing up at people really worth ruining my reputation? is it really loosing all the hard work i’ve put into my goals and what I’ve been working so hard to accomplish? is it really worth the cost? is it really worth the time? am I thinking about the future? because in the end we all know life is to short and if we’re not happy and doing what we love, then what’s the point?

I now know the reward of my anger and the actions it caused and the cost on others and myself. I now know it’s just not worth my reputation, Integrity, self respect, goals, and honor to be angry.

instead I now choose to live in a state of self control, respect, loyalty, responsibility, kindness, foresight, wisdom, self worth, diligence, pre-thought, understanding, patience, consistency, persistence and gratitude.

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